Walking Away is Never Easy
by GladiatorSwag
Summary: Walking away is never easy. Not even when it is the right thing to do.
1. Olivia

I don't know how this happened. I really don't. One minute he was here, in my apartment, asking me for information on whereabouts of one Captain Jacob "Jake" Ballard. The next minute, I was pouring him a glass of the amber liquor I kept tucked away just for him, filling my own wine glass up. I guess shouldn't be surprised where we ended up. We we always end up there.

In each other's arms.

He's sleeping peacefully beside me. His chest rising in a pattern only I know. Or I used to be the only person who knew the inside of Fitzgerald Grant. That's all changed. I don't know the man behind the wall he built up. A wall designed specifically to keep me out.

He's so innocent when he sleeps. So untouched and perfect.

Content.

Life for him is anything but, and from the sounds of it tonight, it's only managed to get worse since I last spoke to him.

We had a pleasant conversation at least. I told him that I was swimming again. He was impressed with the number I laps I could do in fifteen minutes. He didn't ask about work, about my gladiators. That was a sore subject for us.

He does ask me if there's anyone.

I tell him no and I see the relief in his eyes.

How can there be anyone else when he is the one?

He got a little tipsy. Who am I to judge? I can barely remember the number of glasses of wine I had before we headed into my bedroom. Limbs tangled together under my expensive sheets. Nothing like the sheets he was use to in the White House.

The White House.

If things had gone according to plan, I would be living on Pennsylvania Avenue. I would be waking up next to him every morning. I didn't belong there. _She_ did.

We didn't discuss last time saw each other in the Oval Office either. The wounds were too fresh. The hurt was still written on his face.

Our conversation was light. We both knew no amount of words would ever change anything between us. The times we hurt, the times we loved, the times we were _us_.

Fitz and Olivia.

The President and The Fixer.

We're not really much without the other person. Even I can admit that. He defines me. In the depths of my heart, I know I define him too. But the fact of the matter is, I've survived the past eight months without him. I'm positive I can survive the next eight.

Last night changed nothing. After it's all said and done, we can't be together. I know this. He knows this.

But it doesn't make the sting in my chest go away.

His job is more important. There is still too much good left to be done. The American people need him more than I do.

He understands.

He can't live without it no matter how many times he tries to give it up. It's in his blood. He was born to be President. He was born to be great.

I understand.

I climb out of the bed, quiet not to wake him. He's so peaceful when he sleeps. I don't think I could walk away if he were to look me the way he does.

I have to leave. I have to let go. I've spent the past eight months trying to let go, and God help me, I hope last night is the final closure we both needed.

Need.

We'll always need each other. I need him like I need air. I'm in his blood. He is my heart.

I pick up my pajamas and robe, casually spread across my master bedroom, and head to the bathroom. My hair tousled. My face is flushed but there's a noticeable glow there. All from the night of lovemaking I have just experienced.

I haven't made love in eight months. Not since the last time he visited me.

It was nice. It was good. Really, _really good_. Then again it always is with us.

I try to clean myself up, make myself presentable for the public eye. The tears threaten my eyes but I have to hold them back. I have to be strong.

I have to let him go.

The warmth of my bedroom soothes me after the cold dampness of the bathroom. I throw on anything and pick up my purse, planning to use the emergency outfit I keep in my office once I get there. I look over at him.

So peaceful.

Fitz.

My Fitz.

He'll always be my Fitz.

And I'll always be his Livvie.

The tears that were merely a threat, spill over now. This is harder that I thought. Leaving your heart behind is never easy.

I have the urge to crawl back underneath the covers with him and snuggle into oblivion.

Forget about my gladiators.

Forget about his wife.

His children.

His life.

Cyrus.

The country in need of a leader.

I want to go to the castle in the air with him. The house we talked about one sleepless night on the campaign trail. We'd designed every room right down the color of the paint on the walls. The blueprints he gave me on the night he was elected were hidden away under a squeaky floorboard. I'm dying to pull them out.

But I can't. It's not a reality for us anymore.

I walk over to the bed and smile at the love of my life. My soulmate. My heart. I would never utter those words to anyone, not even him.

"I love you, Fitz."

I whisper it so softly that I know he can't hear me. I needed to say it one last time, before I can let go and move on.

Before I leave, I lean against the frame of the door for support, cursing myself for wanting to go back. The noise behind me startles my thoughts.

It's footsteps.

My heart stops and I turn slowly, facing the man I'm about to leave for the last time.

"I love you too, Olivia."

I smile softly. Another tear slips down my face. He knows we can't be together just like I know it. It tears us both apart. He knows it has to be this way.

A strange happiness contents my body as I walk away.

Forever.


	2. Fitz

I'm trying to figure out how it happened. How I ended up in her bed. I came here with one thing in mind, to ask her a simple question about a man I despise. A man I once called a friend. A man I once thought was loyal.

Turns out, that's not all I came for.

I never allowed myself to believe that I still wanted her. Still ached for her. That she still made my blood run hot in my veins.

It's hard to deny your soulmate.

Our problems were never about love. Hell, we have enough love to fill a football stadium and then some.

I used to blame trust.

But is it her I don't trust? Or is it myself?

Cyrus often sees me staring out of the window. He doesn't ask me what I'm thinking about or tell me that I'm ticking. He accepts his hand in it, knows the role he played, and lets me be.

He does, however, tell me that it would never work. That I was meant to do great things. Meant to be the President. Meant to be miserable and alone.

Alone.

Cyrus likes to remind me that I'm not alone.

I have my children.

I have Mellie.

But he's wrong.

Cyrus is wrong about a lot of things. He thinks we won. He thinks Mellie is on our team. He thinks that I'm so broken I would trust my wife. I don't trust Mellie. I sure as hell don't trust him. It is easier to watch my enemies when they are close by.

_She_ isn't my enemy.

I trust Olivia with my heart. I trust her with my soul. I trust her with my life.

It is me I don't trust.

I act stupid around her. I can't think straight. My love for her consumes me to the brink of no return and mistakes happen.

Deadly mistakes.

I killed someone for myself. I killed someone for her. I killed someone to protect us. The others would have paid for their sins if not for her. I did what I had to do to keep the woman that I would die for safe.

I often think of that day as the worst day of my life. The day I had to face her after she found out what I'd done. If I had any regrets in life, it would be that she knew what I'd become. How I took matters into my own hands. Now I understand how she must have felt after Defiance.

The light was out in her eyes last night.

And in my life.

She has her gladiators to look after.

I have my country to run.

I guess they keep us sane. As sane as we can be without each other.

Trusting Olivia was never an issue. Defiance was a mistake. It has taken me almost two years to get over it and understand, fully, why she did it.

She did it for me.

And that's where our problem comes in.

Me.

This life is who I am. Being President is who I am. It defines me almost as much as she does. It is all I ever wanted.

But she is all I have ever needed.

We drank too much last night, not that I can blame this on alcohol. I won't blame this on anything. It's destiny.

Fitz and Olivia.

Destined for eternity.

Too fucking bad we have to be destined from afar.

I don't think I've ever felt so many emotions in my entire life than I did last night. Her skin was so soft. Our kisses so passionate. The love we made will forever be etched in my mind.

It will get me through the days.

It will get me through a life without her.

I feel her stir awake, she looks at me. I pretend to sleep. Maybe if pretend to sleep, she'll stay with me. Maybe we can just run away and be together forever.

I need her like I need oxygen. I feel part of my heart leave the bed as she gets up and goes to the bathroom.

I know this is it. Last night was the final nail in the Fitz and Olivia coffin. We can't be together. It's the terrible reality that's been my life for the past eight months.

I feel tears sting my eyes like needles, I will myself not to cry. I can't cry about this. I just had the most amazing night of my life.

And now it's over.

She walks over to me, I can sense that she's crying. I know her so well. I can feel her every emotion. I want to reach out and grab her. I want to make love to her. I want to love her. I want to be with her.

I want to be with her so bad it hurts.

She whispers "I love you, Fitz."

I thought I was going to lose it. I wanted to say something then, but my heart stopped and I couldn't find the words.

She walks out of the room, I know I have to tell her. I have to tell her I love her.

I have to see her face one last time.

I jump out of bed and throw my pants on but I can't find my shirt. I give up searching and follow her trail to her front door. She's leaning against it and crying.

It's hard for her too.

Walking away is never easy.

She hears me. Senses me.

We tend to do that.

I smile. At least I try. It's hard to smile right now. It's hard to do anything when your heart is being ripped out of your chest once again and walking out of your life.

"I love you too, Olivia."

She smiles. She needed that. I needed that.

I see a faint nod and then she leaves.

She walks away.

I watch the door close behind her. I watch her walk away. I've gotten pretty good at watching her walk away from me. The hole in my chest doesn't ache right away. It will be kind enough to wait until I have to face Cyrus and Mellie. Face their questions and accusations.

I hear her voice out in the hallway and I know she's talking to Tom. She likes Tom. He likes her too.

I open the door, surprising them both.

I've found my missing shirt. I wonder if she realizes she's wearing it. I'm taken back to simpler times. Back to when she would walk around whatever hotel room we were in, dressed in nothing but my shirt.

She looks down, her eyes following my gaze. She sees it too. She smiles. It isn't a happy smile. It is full of pain.

Pain I caused.

Pain she caused.

Pain sacrificing love caused.

She has her gladiators.

I have my country.

There comes a time when I can longer talk about risking it all. I have to actually risk it all. I have to say fuck her gladiators. They're adults. They'll be fine. The country will be fine. The American people will get over it eventually.

If they don't, who cares?

I reach out, grabbing a fist full of the material of my shirt, and pull her close.

She fights it.

Her instincts tell her to walk away. To run away from us.

Mine tell me to fight for her. Fight for us.

Tom turns his head away as I take her face in my hands.

I risk someone seeing me to kiss her.

I risk her fury to feel the softness of her lips.

I risk it all because letting her walk away would be too easy.

She doesn't get to decide our forever anymore. Our jobs don't get to dictate our happiness anymore.

I walk backwards into her apartment with her face still in my hands. She kicks the door shut or maybe Tom closes it.

At the sound of it closing behind her, release her lips. I release her.

She stares at me. Shock. Anger. Love. Desire.

There's light in her eyes again and I can feel the light in my life coming back.

I try to touch her but she steps back.

She turns and walks away.

In the direction of her bedroom.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. I may decide to add another chapter but this is it for right now.**


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